Lord Vladek vs. Mutant Raptor
Wyldstyle: Welcome to Amset-Ra's Fighting Pyramid! Today, we're hosting our battle at Heartlake Beach in lieu of the Heartlake Charity Barbecue! Heartlake City Citizens: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Wyldstyle: Fortunately, Amset-Ra here is dealing with our not-fans. Amset-Ra: I'll give you the four new LEGO Forma sets for free if you promise to stay for the whole match! Heartlake City Citizens: OKAY, WE'LL STAY! ARFP Fans: LET'S RUMBLE! Amset-Ra: You heard 'em! Let's rumble! Wyldstyle: First, I've got a question. Why am I called Lucy in the above Corners box? Amset-Ra: You're kidding. That's your real name, remember? ARFP Fans: WE LIKE WYLDSTYLE BETTER! Wyldstyle: Yeah. That's why I don't change it. Is that also why Tee-Vee and Ogel are called Paul and Fred? Amset-Ra: Yeah, sorta. I have a question for you too. Wyldstyle: And that is? Amset-Ra: Why was I so out of character during the last battle?! Everyone knows that a friend of Ogel's is an enemy of mine. Vladek: What are you talking about? My fans adore me. Vladek Fans: GOOOOOOOOOOOOOO VLADEK! Amset-Ra: Ugh. What am I gonna do with them? Wyldstyle: You could try the ejector seats. Amset-Ra: One: there are no seats. Two: this is a public place. Wyldstyle: Right, I see where you're going with that. *picks up paper* Okay, this says that Ogel won't be here today! Amset-Ra: BEST! MOMENT! EVER! Wyldstyle: And also Tee-Vee won't be here! Audience: WE WANT A REFUND! Amset-Ra: Ain't happening, honey. The Priest of the Tee-Vee drives onto the scene in a TECHNIC Mack Anthem. Priest of the Tee-Vee: HAR HAR HAR! I just wanted to tell you all that Tee-Vee won't be here because of what NexoByte did with our corner box! Audience: CURSE YOU, NEXOBYTE! Sorry about that, Chief. Priest of the Tee-Vee: Anyway, commence with the battle. He drives away. Wyldstyle: Right, then! Our real referee and predictor will be none other than the Senate and the House! Chancellor Palpatine: I am the Senate! Dollar Bill: The House is always rigged to win! Amset-Ra: ...This is a joke, right? Wyldstyle: What? Of course not! We don't joke around here! Amset-Ra: Yeah. We don't. (Sorta.) Anyway, I've decided that, since this is a two-way match that takes place on a pacifist city's beach, we don't need corner plates after all. Wyldstyle: Good thing you don't because we never brought them. Suddenly the Alpha Team Command Sub surges out of the water and crashes on the beach between the two fighters, causing some of the crowd to panic. Ogel hops out of the cockpit. Ogel: Be glad it wasn't the Ogel Mutant Killer Whale. Amset-Ra: Ha, like that thing can scare anyone... Ogel: Two things, Amset. One: I am a supervillain number one- Robbie Rotten: Ahem. Ogel: Two: Halloween is approaching- Morro: Boo. Ogel: Gah! Someone call the Ghostbusters! Amset-Ra: They're on vacay. Anyone else? Ogel: How about... Sigh, just carry on with the battle already. Vladek: Yes, do continue. I really want to trash Ogel's toy here. Amset-Ra: Wait, WHAT?! Wyldstyle: So the mutant Velociraptor belongs to Ogel. Ogel: Ogel Mutant Velociraptor, if you will. Wyldstyle: Right. Makes total sense. Right, so! Announcement time! In the currently nonexistent Red Corner is- Amset-Ra: Don't put lipstick on a pig. Wyldstyle: In the Red Corner is just Vladek. Vladek: Why, humanity?! Why must you turn against me?! I will vent my rage on the Ogel Mutant Velociraptor before turning it on the rest of this Fighting Pyramid trash heap! Ogel: Like son, like father. Vladek: You said it! Wyldstyle: In the Blue Corner is an Ogel Mutant Velociraptor! Velociraptor: RRRRROOOOOAAAAARRRRR!!!!! Amset-Ra: NOOOOOO! He roars in Comic Sans! Wyldstyle: That's not really important, is it? Anyway, today's Minifigure is... Gypsy Moth! Gypsy Moth: Yes! This is my first time here, is it not? TC-17: Gypsy Moth says: "Yes! This is my first time here, is it not?" Amset-Ra: I'm assuming Hypaxxus-5 is taking another private vacation? TC-17: Affirmative. Wyldstyle: The House will now predict our champion. Dollar Bill: I predict Lord Vladek will do us proud today! Now where's my money? Amset-Ra: Here. He hands him a fat stack of twenties. Dollar Bill: Thank$! Wyldstyle: The Senate will kick off the match! Palpatine: Fight! Swipe! Palpatine: Hey! Splash! Palpatine: My toupee! Amset-Ra: That was GOLD! I didn't know that seagulls took a liking to plucking the Senate's hair off of him and dumping it into the ocean! Seagulls: MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE Vladek: Come at me, Ogel Mutant Velociraptor! Velociraptor: RRRRROOOOOAAAAARRRRR!!!!! Amset-Ra: Note to self - ban everyone who speaks in Comic Sans. Spyclops: Hey Amset! Check out my new font changer thingy! Amset-Ra: CORONA MEGA MAGNUS BLITZER FULCRUM FIERY BEAM OF SUPER SAIYAN AWESOMENESS OVER 9000!!!!!!!!!!! Pew. Spyclops: Curse you, Amset-Ra! You broke my font chang- Ding! Amset-Ra: That felt good. Vladek: You think that's good? Get a load of this! Shank! Velociraptor: ROAR? Ogel: Translation: "What? It's just a shank!" Vladek: Hence the sound effect. Anyway, there's been far too much talk in these battles, you know? Thrust! Chomp! Swallow! Digest! Vladek: Well, I guess using a shank just won't do it... Amset-Ra: They have sound effects for swallowing shanks? Wyldstyle: I could have announced that... Amset-Ra: Eh, I shouldn't be so surprised. Our writers have sound effects for everything! Vladek: A little less talk, host guys! I've got a fight here! You don't want a Comic Sans dinosaur loose in the pyramid, do you? Amset-Ra: Yeah, you've got a good point there. Vladek: Construct! Ogel Mutant Velociraptor: ROAR! CLICKCLICKCLICKCLICKCLICK SQUEEEEAL... Wyldstyle: We can be grateful this Thanksgiving that minifigures don't have ears. Amset-Ra: What? Say that again? Wyldstyle: I can't hear you! What did you say? Amset-Ra: I THINK THE VELOCIRAPTOR DID SOMETHING THAT AMPLIFIED THE SOUND EFFECT AND TRIGGERED THE MICROPHONE FEEDBACK! Wyldstyle: OH! Vladek: I could hear every word you were saying perfectly! You think this helmet is just for show? Ogel Mutant Velociraptor: ROAR! Ogel: He says yes. Don't worry; he's just a little competitive is all. Vladek: Just a little? Ogel Mutant Velociraptor: RRROOOAAARRR! ZITZITZITZITZITZITZITZIT! Wyldstyle: Hey, that's my now-retired WyldLazors sound effect! Only it's a laser minigun of some sort coming from its mouth. Vladek: I've got a shield! Your argument is invalid! Amset-Ra: *facepalms* It doesn't work like that... Vladek: I'm the ancestor of your friend on the Pyramid Staff, and whatever I say goes! I am, after all, the real king of Morcia! King Mathias: Ahem, that would be me. Amset-Ra: Morcia, Morcia, Morcia! Ogel Mutant Velociraptor: ROAR! STOMP STOMP STOMP Vladek: Okay, finished building my thingie! May I present... Slave I! Boba Fett: I'm suing you for copyright infringement and plagiarism! Vladek: No copyright law in the universe is gonna stop me! Boba Fett: There, you did it again. Vladek: Who cares? Now I really must be going; I have a dinosaur to disintegrate! Boba Fett: Hey! Disintegration is my job! Vladek: I'm a king, not a bounty hunter. Wyldstyle: The Raptor just landed on Vladek's windshield. His breath is fogging the windshield! H4XX! Lucy: What did you do this ti- Hey, my name! Terabyte: What? Your real name is Lucy, after all. Lucy: But everyone knows me as Wyldstyle! Terabyte: Oh, okay. UN-H4XX! Wyldstyle: Thank you. Now, what did I miss? Ooh, now Vladek's flying around the beach with the Raptor clinging on for dear life! We need an amusement park ride with that feature. Chancellor Palpatine: No we don't. Pluck! Splash! Chancellor Palpatine: SEAGULLS! STOP IT NOW! Amset-Ra: Bad lip reading again? Chancellor Palpatine: *sigh* How did you know? Amset-Ra: I'm an internet guru. SPLASH! Wyldstyle: The Raptor's suddenly out-of-control WyldLazors struck the engine, and the Slave I fell into the ocean! Mia: EEEEK! Stephanie: Our beautiful ocean! Andrea: Think of the pollution! Olivia: Think of the sea creatures! Emma: Think of all the work the LEGO City Coast Guard has to do to remove the metal from the water so we don't need tetanus shots every time we swim! Amset-Ra: ...I take it you guys- Andrea: Girls. Amset-Ra: -don't have a Coast Guard? Olivia: We like, never needed one. We are the one Mary Sue to rule them all. Amset-Ra: Cool. Now back to the match please! I reeeeeally hope neither fighter wins. One of them is Ogel's ancestor. The other is Ogel's dinosaur. Ogel: I hope both fighters win! Amset-Ra: A tie is highly unlikely. Ogel's phone rings. Ogel: Hello? ... You need me aboard the LEPIN? ... Okay, be right there. Amset-Ra: The LEPIN is your spacecraft? Ogel: Yeah. I've had it with the Alpha Team. I decided to leave Earth for a while to get away from them. But I would never leave you, as annoying as my writers think I am. No one may like me, but guess what? Yours truly doesn't care. Amset-Ra: Good to hear you think so. Take care. Ogel: I'll be back soon. He builds himself a portal and steps through. Wyldstyle: Waitaminute! Someone's stepping onto the beach! It's... I think it's... There is a massive explosion as Vladek emerges from the water. He slips shades on as he calmly and slowly walks toward the shore. Palpatine: Vladek is the winner! And so am I! I got my hair back! He slips it back onto his head. A fish leaps out of his hair and into the water, earning him a series of giggles from the Friends girls. Palpatine: What part of this is funny to you? Crackle crackle. Amset-Ra: Don't worry, girls. He's just a Sith. Friends girls: Oh, okay. Invizable pulls up in Infearno's hoverboard. Invizable: Hey! What did I miss? Amset-Ra: Vladek won. Invizable: Sweet! Let's throw a rock concert to celebrate! Amset-Ra: But- And so Invizable threw an epic rock concert on the beach to celebrate Vladek's victory. They didn't have a care in the world. They didn't care about noise pollution. They didn't care that Palpatine's hair was tossed into the water again. The only time they cared was when the Space Police told them to break it up. And even then, they kept playing. Because THIS. IS. AMSET-RA's FIGHTING PYRAMID. Ogel is aboard the LEPIN, watching the recap of the battle. Ogel: Yes! Grandpappy won! But no! My raptor lost! It's a bittersweet day, isn't it? A man steps forward into a chamber. Inside are many people he knows well. among them are Iron Man, Thor, Captain America, The Hulk, Spider-Man, and many others. Thor: Congratulations, Mr. Stan Lee. Your legacy will live on forever. Captain America: And while you're here, we'll make sure you get the best comforts possible while we go beat up bad guys. Stan Lee: Thank you all. RIP Stan Lee (1922-2018). You will be dearly missed. 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